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A close-up of watercolors tortured in the name of art.  More anguished work in my gallery of CURIOUS PAINTINGS.

Old_in_the_way_med_res
OLD & IN THE WAY: no, not me, the flowers! Wrinkles are a good thing, especially in flowers.
 
Wrinkles mean you worry a lot. Or someone left you out in the sun and didn’t water you enough. The former has me worrying a lot; about the tide not returning, sun not coming up, about the Pats’ chances in the Super Bowl, no snow, Pats’s chances, too much tide and about what’s for lunch. As for the latter, as a painter, I’ve got a subject matter with character (more than can be said for myself. I’ve got “cranky,” but you can’t paint cranky.) that demands a somewhat focussed rendering, usually with painfully tiny watercolor brushes, sizes #3 – 7 (which begs the question: how come as the brush gets smaller, requiring fewer camel hairs, it gets more expensive? What, the camel trying to drive up demand?) and a massively big bottle of ibuprofen.  
 
Combine that with a sense of patience that often times leaves your (poor, long suffering) wife suspecting you’ve passed away at your desk because you haven’t twitched a muscle in 4-5 hours, and you’re ready to render wrinkled flowers! 
 
To learn more about aging gracelessly, visit my gallery of CURIOUS PAINTINGS

I’ve recently completed 3 new watercolor CURIOUS PAINTINGS. Above is a close-up detail from:

TULIP TANTRUMS

Also new:

ORANGE NOVA

SUNFLOWER WITH HEADACHE

I’d like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the selfless sacrifices made by dedicated watercolors too numerous to mention in the laborious course of my creating these paintings. As demonstrated by the detail of TULIP TANTRUM, special attention should be focused on PAYNE’S GRAY and RAW SIENNA as two watercolors in particular who went above and beyond the call of duty. Thank you both, I couldn’t have done it without you.  The same can be said for all of your silent peers, MANGANESE BLUE and PERMANENT SAP GREEN and all the rest included, thank you, thank you, from the very bottom of my paint tray.

And as a final aside, this was a first for RAW SIENNA. Viewers might know RAW from her work in the adult entertainment industry. TULIP TANTRUM was her first starring role in mainstream watercoloring and I hope there’s many more like that to come; before you know it, Disney will be next! 

Agent’s note: RAW SIENNA is changing her name to SERENE SIENNA. Be sure to watch CURIOUS PAINTINGS for more SERENE updates.

detail-iplanter

 

. . . the iPlanter! Being a bit of a self-professed technophobe (see earlier rant), I was gratified to find a use for my nifty iPhone.

Note: while Spring-flowering bulbs like tulips are easy to grow, be careful how you gently nestle the tulip bulbs into the touchscreen; I found pounding a screwdriver on its blunt end to be quite effective.  The iPhone offers up to 20 touchscreen “keys” for planting, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to nurture a spectacular bouquet!

When finished planting the bulbs, place your new iPlanter in a cool spot and cover with several inches of mulch.  Be sure to check it often and water when necessary. Note again: upon your first watering, you should surrender any hope of effective emailing, web browsing or even a secure Wi-Fi connection.

In lieu of plant food, I suggest taking advantage of The App Store: I found the fart and beer-pouring applications to be both inexpensive and quite effective as plant fertilizer. Enjoy your iPlanter and HAPPY PLANTING!

For more tips on how to misuse your technology, visit my Curious Paintings.

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