Jefferson Starfish Rocks Crane Beach

 

Starfish are an anomaly on coolish Crane Beach in Ipswich, MA. Colorful starfish even rarer. Perhaps this one was chilled, inducing colors ranging from hot orange to a deepish purple, after a summer of cloudy weather and more rain than a duck would care for. I was fortunate to stumble across Jefferson Starfish (sorry, bad, old age-appropriate pun,) the seashore residue of two late summer hurricanes, tossed well up onto the beach. Luckier still that the sun was pulling a Woodstock (sorry again, bad habit.)

For even more bad jokes, and fair art, visit my collection of CURIOUS PAINTINGS.

HOT Summer Seaweed

Asked to choose a single, simple phrase to describe the Summer of ‘09, a local duck replied “Too much damn RAIN!” Yet despite Boston’s weather behaving more like Seattle’s, there have been moments of sunshine, even heat. The day I captured this Hot Summer Seaweed (“captured” only in a manner of speaking, it wasn’t actually trying to escape) was a scorcher, with the sun punishing anything left up on the beach.

For more tales of seashore outrage, be sure to visit my collection of CURIOUS PAINTINGS.

Mussel Beach

Lame word-associations aside, I found this large, old mussel washed up mid-way down Crane Beach in April of ‘09. Must’ve been a fair-sized storm, or full moon high tide at least, to have dredged this monster up.  Similar to an earlier piece of seaweed, it’s so ugly it ’s got to be considered beautiful. Respected, at least, for its age and its scars.

I just hope it didn’t follow me home. Where more CURIOUS PAINTINGS live.

Blue Shell on Brown Beach.

Summer has made a few feints into New England already this Spring, enabling me to get out onto local Crane Beach to see what’s up. Along with the usual beach remodeling rendered by the winter weather – resulting in my totally and humiliatingly beaching my boat on a sand bar that hadn’t been there the previous season – I was surprised by a bright Blue Shell on Brown Beach. Seeming more tropical than we, and the absolutely frigid local waters, deserved, I saw this as my first invitation to the local party referred to as Summer. 

For more festival remnants, visit my collection of CURIOUS PAINTINGS. You’ll find Laughing Clamshells,  Ribbon Candy and, of course, Broken Bottles.

How to build a TOASTER. With ASPARAGUS.

STEP 1: Collect your toaster pieces.

 

STEP 2: Assemble what you know.

 

STEP 3: Reveal what you don’t know.

 

STEP 4: Presto, a TOASTER! With ASPARAGUS! Now that was simple.

NEXT STEPS: For more simple how-to instructions, visit my collection of CURIOUS PAINTINGS. There you’ll learn such useful skills as how to juggle daisies with a corkscrew and plant tulips with your cell phone.  And more! Enjoy.

Ice has broken.

I’m happy to note that the ice on the Ipswich River broke some weeks back and things appear to have returned to some liquidity. Hard experience has taught me to expect at least 1 more sneaky winter storm, which will return everything back into a state of icy, mid-January perpetual blackness, but I can hope. I can’t trust New England weather but I can hope.

Amongst all the other warm weather items to be anticipated – Red Sox, lawns with more weeds than grass and old house-painting amongst them – I look forward to adding to my collection of broken bottles, seaweed, laughing clamshells, crabs and beach peanuts.

Visit my collection of watercolor Curious Paintings to view even more stuff.

Finally. A use for my iPhone . . .

 

. . . the iPlanter! Being a bit of a self-professed technophobe (see earlier rant), I was gratified to find a use for my nifty iPhone.

Note: while Spring-flowering bulbs like tulips are easy to grow, be careful how you gently nestle the tulip bulbs into the touchscreen; I found pounding a screwdriver on its blunt end to be quite effective.  The iPhone offers up to 20 touchscreen “keys” for planting, so you’ll have plenty of opportunity to nurture a spectacular bouquet!

When finished planting the bulbs, place your new iPlanter in a cool spot and cover with several inches of mulch.  Be sure to check it often and water when necessary. Note again: upon your first watering, you should surrender any hope of effective emailing, web browsing or even a secure Wi-Fi connection.

In lieu of plant food, I suggest taking advantage of The App Store: I found the fart and beer-pouring applications to be both inexpensive and quite effective as plant fertilizer. Enjoy your iPlanter and HAPPY PLANTING!

For more tips on how to misuse your technology, visit my Curious Paintings.

Shenanigans in the kitchen!

 

Caught! As I foggedly entered the kitchen early one morning last week, I startled the house corkscrew juggling a dining roon daisy. Gadzooks! Kitchen utensils consorting with dining room florals, dogs living with cats! I spoke with the lead vacuum cleaner to be clear that this behavior was not to be tolerated.  Steps have been taken.  

Visit my Juggling Daisies to view further evidence of unbridaled class warfare.

Ugly is beautiful.

Nothing like having a big piece of creepy seaweed inadvertently wrap itself around your lower leg as you stroll the beach shallows. Having never fully recovered from the movie “Jaws,” I instantly think I’ve been attacked by a shark.  

Cheap phobias aside, the attacking algae displays a curious combination of scarey ugliness and clammy beauty, especially with sunlight highlighting its translucency. A beach flower as it were.

Click on Crane Beach Ribbon Candy to view this entire piece. More waterolors are available at my Curious Paintings site.

Winter, spring, fall, it all comes back to . . .

. . . summer. Warm weather, warm colors, warm outlook. As opposed to today’s outlook, March 2, which promises temperatures in the single digits and 8-12 inches of snow.

There’s a beach out there somewhere with my name on it, as opposed to a driveway lurking out there with the same name as well as the aforementioned snow.  Wonder why it seems easier to shovel sand than snow; must be the attitude.